


hold on

by goodbye_yellowbrickroad



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: First Kiss, M/M, Pining, Post-RotJ
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-20 15:43:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13149783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodbye_yellowbrickroad/pseuds/goodbye_yellowbrickroad
Summary: Luke pines and looks back on how dumb he's been. Han just wants a kiss.





	hold on

**Author's Note:**

  * For [darlingargents](https://archiveofourown.org/users/darlingargents/gifts).



> I don't love how this came out but I'm already posting it so late!! I might come back and revisit it later. Hope you had a wonderful holiday season!

Han peaked around the side of a small house in the Ewoks’ little village — peaked around and saw Luke, with tears in his eyes and the weight of the world on his shoulders, watching a fire burning before him.

Luke wiped his eyes but when he pulled his hands away, revealing them to be red and puffy, new tears began to fall. He drew in a long, deep breath and released it as a choked out sob.

It was a private moment and Han knew he shouldn’t be watching, knew that he should step back into the safety of the shadows. He should return to Leia and the party that was still raging on. Except Han didn’t exactly have a knack for doing what he should do. He stepped into the light that the fire was giving off and said, “Hey, Luke?”

Luke’s head shot up. “Han,” he breathed, one hand slapped over his heart. “You — you scared me.”

“Sorry,” Han said. “Didn’t mean to.” He took another few steps closer. “Are you okay, kid? You seem pretty — well, I don’t know. I can’t quite put my finger on it. You seem unwell, anyway, that’s for damn sure.”

Luke shrugged his shoulders. “You don’t need to worry about me, Han. I’ll be okay.”

“But you’re not okay now?” Han questioned.

“W-well, no,” Luke said. He shook his head. “No, I suppose I’m not.”

Han tilted his head. “What happened up there? With Vader?”

Luke swallowed hard and shook his head quickly. “I — I don’t really care to talk about it, Han. If that’s okay.”

“Yeah, of course,” Han said. “Whatever you need, kid.”

“Don’t call me that,” Luke said. “Please.”

“Whatever you say, kid,” Han said with a crooked smile. He ruffled Luke’s hair.

“I’m not a kid,” Luke said, rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, I know,” Han sighed. He got close, now standing less than a foot from where Luke stood. “Not anymore, anyway. But still, can’t help but look at you see that same scrawny, whiny, recklessly optimistic boy who sat down at my table and talked me into flying him into the jaws of the beast.”

“I think it all worked out pretty well for you,” Luke said.

“Yeah,” Han said. He reached out and grasped Luke’s shoulder. “Yeah, I’d say it all worked out alright... in the end.”

Luke smiled.

“I should get back,” Han said. “Leia will be wondering where I’ve gotten to.”

Luke hummed in response.

“She’s been asking for you,” Han said.

“I’ll be around,” Luke said. “Soon, I promise.”

“Okay,” Han said, nodding. “You promise?”

Luke smiled. He nodded. “Promise.”

“Okay, good,” Han said, and with that he turned and strode into the depths of the shadows beyond the flames.

Once he was gone, Luke breathed a sigh of relief. It sort of felt like there was someone standing on his chest, but the moment Han was out of sight and out of earshot they suddenly remembered they had somewhere to be.

There hadn’t been very much time for Luke and Han to be alone together since Han had been roused from his carbonite induced coma. Luke missed him, he did. There was no doubt about that. Still, he was glad that hadn’t been subject to very much alone time with his friend.

It hadn’t been until Leia had broken the news to him (“Vader got Han before we could escape. He’s frozen in carbonite now and the Empire sent him to Jabba the Hutt.”) that Luke had even realized how he felt, but as soon as the words left her lips it all came crashing down upon him like a wave, threatening to drown him and leave him dead. He supposed the feelings had always been there — they must have if they’d hit him so suddenly, so ferociously — but he’d never noticed them before. At least, not really.

Then again, there was the time they’d both received medals of valor for their work in the fight against the Empire and the Death Star. Luke didn’t have any clothes except for the drab ones that he had arrived in and the pilot’s suit he’d been provided with for battle. He’d been agonizing over what he was supposed to do, absolutely sure that he would be shunned for approaching the princess at a grand ceremony in his farmer’s clothes. Han — he’d just been calm and gentle, with a smile, crossing the room without a word and wrapping his own brightly colored leather jacket around Luke’s thin frame. It was too big for him, and that was clear, but it was also the nicest article of clothing that Luke had ever been lucky enough to wear. He took in the feeling, and the scent — it smelled like Han, like the ship that already felt like home to Luke. There were butterflies in Luke’s stomach that he hadn’t noticed before, and they were fluttering.

But surely, there was no other time when his feelings should have been evident to him.

Except there was another time. The Rebels produced the bodies of Luke’s aunt and uncle, charred and unrecognizable, but undoubtedly them. They’d been taken right from the smouldering mess that was the remainder of the farm so there really wasn’t anyone else that it could be. There was a funeral of sorts — it seemed a little bit pointless to burn the bodies as was traditional to do with dead loved ones, but they did it anyway and Leia was the one to lead Luke away from the scene when it all became too much. But Han was the one who came to him in the night when he was curled up beneath his blankets, sobbing until there wasn’t enough energy left in him to cry anymore. Han asked for permission then climbed beneath the covers with him and held him close, rubbing circles into his back until he was asleep. Luke found peace there in his friend’s arms, and he would have been able to submit to sleep a lot quicker if it hadn’t been for those butterflies acting up again.

But there had only been those two times. Definitely only those two times.

Well, actually… It was on Hoth, not too long into their stay. Luke was sat outside, breathing in a bit of fresh air. He hadn’t planned to stay out there for very long so he hadn’t bothered with gloves, but now his hands were turning blue and he was shivering like crazy. He couldn’t bring himself to get up, though. Not to go back into the stiff, musty air that he was subjected to inside. He may not have liked it, but he was raised on a farm. He was accustomed to a certain lifestyle and living in the middle of a frozen wasteland was not it. But there was Han, with a spare pair of gloves that he was slipping onto Luke’s hands, saying, “Let those hands get much colder and they’ll have to cut them off, kid.” Then he held Luke’s hands, squeezed them and tried to really get the blood flowing to them again. Fuck the butterflies.

Surely, thought, that was it…

Well, when Han found Luke unconscious in the snow, Luke did actually wake up for just a few moments. His eyes barely cracked open and he couldn’t muster up the energy to move his lips and speak. But for a few moments, Luke saw him; tendrils of dark hair escaping his hat and falling into his face, concern in his eyes, snow falling all around him. Luke had an odd thought, a thought that he shouldn’t have been having about his best friend. He is gorgeous, was what Luke thought to himself, then let out a small gasp and fainted again before the butterflies in his stomach could even wake up and move around.

Okay, so Luke should have known. He realized that now, staring in the flames that absorbed his dead father.

None of that mattered, though. It didn’t matter if he should have realized years ago how much he loved Han — loved him. It didn’t matter because Han belonged with Leia. Yes, that is how the story was supposed to play out because Leia was good in every sense of the word, and she loved Han, and she deserved to have what she wanted. Besides, it wasn’t as if Han would ever reciprocate Luke’s feelings.

It was such a pointless thing to even be thinking about. Luke was wasting his time imagining that Han might come running back, confessing all of these bottled up feelings and longings that he had. That wasn’t going to happen because Han didn’t have those feelings. Luke had to remind himself of this over and over again.

“Luke?”

He looked up and a gentle smile spread across his face. “Leia,” he sighed.

“Han told me you were here,” Leia said, glancing toward the fire. “Is that —”

“Yes,” Luke said shortly, his tone of voice clearly stating that he had no intention of discussing it.

Leia pursed her lips. “Okay. Well, um, you should join us.”

Luke shrugged. “The crowd was getting to me. Too many people, you know.”

“I know what you mean,” Leia agreed. “Han, Chewbacca, and I are going for a walk. Getting out of the crowd for a bit. Come with us?”

Luke sighed. “I don’t know.”

“Please,” Leia said before he could go on and work his way out of this. “Please, don’t do this. Don’t shut down and push us away. We’re all going to have to figure our lives out, put our affairs back in order, and grieve.”

Luke raised his eyebrows. “Grieve?”

“Yes,” Leia said. “It is time for us to mourn our lives as we have known them. Everything is about to change, you know.”

“Yes, that’s what I was afraid you’d say,” Luke said. “I know how to be a farmboy, and I know how to fight in war. Now that my farm is gone and the war is practically won, how am I supposed to be a person like any other?”

“You are not a person like any other,” Leia laughed.

“Ah, right,” Luke said. “I’m a Jedi Knight.”

“I was going to say that you’re my brother,” Leia said, chuckling. “But yeah, that too.”

Luke smiled. “Right. Maybe we should — you know, we never really talked about that. We acknowledged it and then I left.”

“Come with me?” Leia requested again instead of agreeing or disagreeing, reaching out her hand. “Please, Luke?”

Luke sighed, stepped forward, and grasped his sister’s outstretched hand. “Oh,” he said, “very well.”

Leia offered him a soft smile in return. “Thank you.”

***

Luke boarded the Falcon with Han in the morning, watched his friend smile and run his hands along every surface he could find, muttering that he thought he’d never see the old girl again.

Maybe it was a bit creepy, the way he watched Han’s every move in the cockpit. He hoped that it wasn’t. He hoped it wasn’t all that noticeable.

“You’re staring, kid,” Han said, not taking his eyes off of the many switches and button on the dashboard before him.

Shit.

“I know it’s hard to look away,” Han said, smirking. “I’m so incredibly handsome and all.”

Well, he wasn’t wrong, was Luke’s only thought.

“I just missed you, is all,” Luke lied. “You were stuck there, with Jabba, for such a long time. I started to think that maybe… maybe…”

“Hey,” Han said, reaching out to grab Luke's arm. “You don't have to worry. I'm here now.”

“Yeah, but I just keep thinking that if you weren't — if we hadn't gotten you out, I mean,” Luke said, frustrated. He shook his head and dropped his gaze to his knee. “Never mind. It's silly.”

“No, go on,” Han said. He switched to autopilot and turned in his chair to look at Luke. “What is it? What do you keep thinking?”

Luke slowly looked up to meet Han’s gaze and notes that the smuggler looked, in some odd sort of way, hopeful.

“I — I keep thinking,” Luke said, “that I couldn't have dealt with it. I couldn't have coped if we lost you.”

“Luke,” Han said softly.

“I know, too many feelings,” Luke huffed He got to his feet only to be pulled back down, find himself within in inch of Han’s mouth just long enough to register it before they were kissing.

Luke gasped into Han’s mouth and pulled back on instinct.

“Sorry,” Han murmured. “Sorry,” he said again and hurried out of the cockpit.

“Han, wait!” Luke called, chasing after him. “Han!”

“No, I'm sorry,” Han said quickly. “I shouldn't have — I should have asked — I should have —”

“Han, no, it's not your fault,” Luke said.

“It is,” Han insisted.

“Okay, well, maybe a little bit,” Luke sighed.

“Gee, thanks, Luke!” Han shouted.

“You said it first!” Luke said.

“Yeah, but you're not supposed to —” Han dropped off the end of his sentence and huffed.

“What about Leia, Han?” Luke frowned.

“What?” Han said, eyebrows raised. “That's what you're worried about?”

“She's my sister!” Luke exclaimed. “And she's in love with you and — and you love her too. I'm not going to come in between you, I won't get in the way and hurt her. I won't hurt you.”

“Luke,” Han said softly

“Leia deserves better than all of this,” Luke sighed.

“Luke,” Han said, louder this time. “Leia and I — we’re not gonna work out.”

“Just because you think so doesn't mean she —”

“She thinks so,” Han said. “She said so last night. We agreed that — we’re just not right for each other. It's been so back and forth, so toxic, and I was locked away for six months.”

“So…” Luke said slowly.

“You were just worried about your sister?” Han asked slowly.

“I mean, yeah.” Luke shrugged. “I don't want her to get hurt.”

“But —” Han moved closer. “But if I were to kiss you again.”

Luke smiled. “Yeah, that'd be okay.” And there they were again, those beautiful butterflies in his stomach.

Han’s lips met Luke’s cautiously, tentatively, but they were soft and supple — more so than Luke would have ever thought they would be. They were kissing, soon, in earnest. They clung to one another for dear life, as if they both thought the other may slip through their fingertips and disappear altogether.

“Wow,” Luke said when they parted. “That was — wow.”

Han smiled. “You've got no idea how long I've been waiting to do that, kid.”

“Same here,” Luke said with a grin.

“Well,” Han said. “We should — uh — talk about all of this, but I really need to go take the ship off of autopilot. We need to get back to the Rebel base.”

“We could… take a detour?” Luke suggested.

Han smiled. “I like the way you think, kid.” 


End file.
